Cobweb Lace
Posted on Monday, February 9th, 2009 at 8:25 pmAn old house refurbished with a young poet's face. Comments/Critiques?
Sonnet of Death
by Peter Ren
I entered cautiously, and swept away
all that this poet had to say
The cobwebs foreshadowed a derelict
So I stood there a moment to recollect ―
Houses have families, and playing fields balls
Cliches echoed down well worn walls
A spider trapped in a stale old sonnet
Muddled the metaphor and laced snot on it
Will decent ideas fill this form again
Or will it ever be the refuge of a cryptic pen
By cryptic I mean a crypt-like hand
cribbing the Victorians for another stand.
Again it harps on the same old song
This poems demise has delayed too long
I think I see Peter behind the door
I cannot bear this tripe anymore.
[No actually it's by ME, it's just a parody of Peter Ren, I mean James Ben, I mean oh Ian, who the hell do I mean?]
Comments/Critiques???
"Structurally fine, the poem is not the worst thing I have ever read but I find the metaphor lacking in impact. perhaps if you had avoided words that outright described the "writer's dilemma" process it might have been more interesting. As connect the pre-defined dots it is dull, dull, dull."HH
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